Surat An-Nūr (The Light) – سورةالنور
O you who have believed, do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you; perhaps you will be reminded.
And if you do not find anyone therein, do not enter them until permission has been given you. And if it is said to you, “Go back,” then go back; it is purer for you. And Allah is Knowing of what you do.
Now, our sister in this chapter talks about the general attitude of people when it comes to homes. She finally understands what Allah means in this verse and also in the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
I think that it is more of an admonition than we will ever need. Many times, we’re ruled by culture, peer pressure and what happens around us. So, it’s expected that people can just ‘show up’ at your house because they’re your friends or they’re in the area.
When the women of the house are expected to serve non-mahram men because they’re ‘family’. Where there should be a separation of sitting even when it’s your relatives and having them understand that they cannot just barge into your house. You know those movies where somebody knocks on the door and says ‘Hello, Hello,’ and the door creaks open and you walk in? This is not Islam. This is not you trying to save the world🫢.
The rule is simple. Say the salaam three times and if there is no permission given, go back. There is no calling, banging, or calling the phone incessantly because your time, money, fuel have been wasted…this is not our etiquette. You can’t even get upset about it. Because people are entitled to their privacy.
You can’t see them on another day and then vent your anger on them, ‘I was at your place, knocked three times, where were you?’ demanding an explanation. You’re not owed one unless he decides to give you one.
‘But what if they have fainted?’ Well, that’s not on you, no permission, please go back.
The Prophet ﷺwas going to Sa’ad ibn Ubadah RA’s house and this was narrated by Abu Sa’id al-Qudri. He gave the greeting, but Sa’ad did not give permission. Then he greeted him a second time and then a third time, but Sa’ad did not permit him.
So, the Prophet ﷺsaid ‘We have done what we must’, then he went back. Sa’ad jumps out of the house and greets the Prophet ﷺand says, ‘By the One Who sent you with the truth, every time you greeted me, I answered, but I wanted to have a lot of greeting of peace from you for the people of my house and that’s why I didn’t give permission.’ – Bukhari
Do you understand?
Don’t try to peep into the house.
Once, a man peeped into the room of the house of the Prophet ﷺ, whilst the Prophet ﷺ was scratching his head with an iron comb. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Had I known you were looking [through the hole], I would have pierced your eye with it. Verily, [the order of obtaining] permission to enter has been enjoined because of the sight.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 5924, 6241, 6901).
This is my privacy. I have rights. You can’t do that!
I know how uncomfortable it can get. An elderly person comes to your doorstep, how do you tell him to go back if you’re not ready to entertain, however, this is our deen. We must respect and obey it.
It is fine for you in Islam to also find a way to minimise contact with people who you know are troublesome to your household and with your family, even if those people are family members. Be cautious, keep your ties, but also keep your distance so they do not cause discord in your home.
Those of us who are receiving people, but also for those of us who visit:
– Curb your eyes, lower your gaze.
– You’re not going into people’s homes to look at what they have, so you can go and spread the gist, so you can go and tell everybody this is how their house is.
– You’re not going into the bathroom to try and check whether it’s dirty or not.
When we were small, we did these naughtily. Inspecting everywhere. This is a discomfort for the people of the home, and we should raise our little ones to have decorum when visiting. Try to keep within spaces you’ve been offered and don’t get comfortable prancing and walking through each room. Keep proper etiquette and do not linger in a home.
Admonition to myself first.
Ya Ikhwan, protect your homes, protect your families, do not let people visit and be a nuisance to the people of your home.
Do not be a peeping tom or an everyday visitor yourself to your ‘best friend’.
When you have to stay over, a guest for one night, it’s charity for three.
Separate your women from the men who are non-mahram to you.
And if permission is not given for you to enter her home, do not be offended. Turn around and go away.
May our hearts be purer for it. Ameen.