Subhanallah. This was a heavy chapter. Friendships for the sake of Allah.
Sister Sadaaf mentions that on her journey returning to Allah, she came upon this verse of the Qur’an:
Surat Al-Furqan [verse 28] : Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend.
So, I ask you, as she asked us in the book, to think of your best friend and what picture comes to mind when you do. And then think of yourself and ask, what kind of friend are you?
Having been beset by all types of people in her younger days and friendships, she puts down a long list of the kind of friends you are to each other, and I have put a few down here for you to go through and ponder. It’s much longer, trust me.
*Note: If you haven’t figured it out already, these summaries are not spoilers for the book. It’s a plea to go get a copy. Most of what I have put down are the areas that jumped out to me, and as with all knowledge, it hits differently for others. Get a copy and take your journey into the Qur’an. Alright, back to Chapter 4*
So, checklist 1
- – You comfortably backbite and make fun of people.
- – Laugh at each other’s cruel jokes or somebody else’s cruel jokes.
- – Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah End up spending money on things you do not need.
- – You have never prayed salah together You confirm and reinforce your doubts in the deen, things of the deen and the hereafter.
- – You support yourselves in fulfilling desires that have no benefit to you and then of course,
- – Discuss unimportant things.
Every time you’re with this ‘person’ and you start feeling uncomfortable about your association and mention it, they brush it off and tell you it’s no big deal.
Pause and think about it. I know I did and sighed very heavily.
Now put that side by side with somebody that you hope is a righteous friend. And again, I wouldn’t mention everything that’s in the book but those that just jumped at me.
– You leave each other’s company with a higher level of faith.
- – Whenever you set your eyes on each other, just doing that reminds you of Allah.
- – You always end up exchanging useful, beneficial, and mature ideas.
- – You attend religious study circles together and you ask each other how your family is doing.
- – You politely point out your mistakes and if another one of you starts to do something that is not right, you become uninterested or change the subject so the person can take a cue and try to stop.
- – You consult each other on important matters and address each other respectfully.
- – You do not reveal their secrets or personal problems to others or gossip about them, and
- – You forgive each other’s shortcomings and conceal them from others.
- Be honest, you smiled while reading that. Because you knew exactly who this referred to. They’re right there beside you. These friendships are the ones you should look for. For the sake of Allah. To love for the sake of Allah is above worldly gain.
- Unfortunately, many of us have friendships for personal favours. And we begin cultivating these from school, way back in the day. Those cliques and hangouts – networks right? Let me attend this person’s party so when he/she gets there…
- You’re already making these kinds of connections for your children, befriending the children of Suzhou and Suzhou looking for favours and watering down what you need for your deen.
- And the Muslim friends you do have, are right beside you, chasing the dunya alongside in the rat race.
- Slow down, my brother.
- Slow down, my sister.
- Face the facts. If a friendship is detrimental to your faith, walk away. You don’t need it. We’re not saying cut off your friend. That’s not the solution. Pull yourselves together and remind yourselves what you are on this earth for. Find people of like minds, gradually move away from detractors and make a change.
- Don’t be abrupt. It’s not easy to go cold turkey😊for everyone. If you can’t, move away little by little with knowledge and strength. Think of your hereafter. If you and your Muslim friend are not on the same path, start looking for new friends. Stay in contact and keep advising, but find those who will pull you up and can make you the lever your struggling friend will need to come up too, Insha Allah.
- One thing, and it’s really important. There is no friendship for ‘the sake of Allah’ between people of the opposite gender. Only and unless you’re mahram to each other. Please do not get entangled in this at all.
- Sister Sadaaf ends this chapter with a simple question to ask yourself – is this friendship undermining or hurting your faith? If yes, then it is not helping your hereafter.
- Allah knows that ever since reading this chapter, I have re-assessed my interactions more thoroughly.
- And Allah truly is our Maula.
- May He bless our sister with Al-jannatul Firdaus. Ameen
